The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves

The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves

A private room at the DRMZ youth club in Carmarthen, Wales, features a sign taped to its door. The message reads “GIRLS ONLY,” “Boy’s don’t Eneter!” [sic], and, with a playful twist, “don’t worry boys!” The sign is decorated with an array of hearts and stars. When I arrive, a dozen girls are already immersed in a spirited card game around a large round table. The atmosphere is lively as we engage in conversation, and a pizza order is soon placed.

This visit is part of my Radio 4 series About The Girls, which includes interviews with approximately 150 girls, most aged between 13 and 17. The discussions at that table resonated with themes from many of those conversations. These young women were sharp, engaging, and witty, offering insight and warmth. They spoke passionately about their ambitions, their deep bonds with friends, and their awareness of familial responsibilities. One girl mentioned, “I would like to have a fridge that you can have a vase in… and be a doctor!” Another expressed, “I can tell her anything.” A sense of care and determination was evident in their words.

The conversation shifted between the card game, school challenges, teachers they admired or disliked, social media trends, and debates about the number of Cheese Feast slices. There were enough for everyone. This project follows my earlier series About The Boys, which featured interviews with teenage males across the UK. In the wake of the pandemic, the #MeToo movement, and the attention on Andrew Tate, I was eager to explore their perspectives. The girls proved just as thoughtful and articulate as their male counterparts, often displaying remarkable bravery in their reflections.

Just as I departed for Carmarthen, the Epstein files emerged, lending a sense of urgency to the work. Unexpectedly, a recurring theme surfaced: girls still frequently frame their identities through the lens of boys. Importantly, they seem to recognize this tendency. When I asked, “What is it really like to be a girl in 2025/26? Tell me the truth, don’t be polite!” the responses often began with, “Well, boys think/say/want/feel….”

“Growing up as a girl,” said one, “so much of that is about how boys are behaving around you and what they’re doing to you. So there isn’t really a way to talk about that without mentioning boys… and it is frustrating.”

Alison Harbor, the youth center’s manager, noted the girls’ openness during the session. “The boys at the club are quite vocal,” she explained, “and confident in sharing their opinions. Today, the girls were the same! My concern is that they often internalise their struggles.”

Dr. Ola Demkowicz, a senior lecturer in the psychology of education at the Manchester Institute of Education, has also examined how societal expectations shape young women’s mental health. She remarked, “There is certainly a pressure we heard from young women around that—translating into a need to be polite and respectful, and a feeling that their behavior expectations were…”